Oh, no, Stella!

Life is hard. Poetry, photography, and sarcasm are my defense mechanisms of choice.

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I’ve been on tumblr for three years now, and I still don’t get tumblr the way that so many people use it.  Like, it seems to me that most people use tumblr the way I use pinterest.  Which is as a collection of things that catch my fancy.  Like a raccoon looking at a succession of shiny things.  “Oooh, that’s pretty.  No, wait, THAT’S pretty!”  Even on pinterest, I don’t reblog.  I pin things I see on the rest of the internet.  Fashion photography, clothes and shoes, music videos, that kind of thing.  So the whole tumblr as engine for the internet to eat its own tail like a snake, with the constant reblogging of similar material, it seems so, I don’t know, disposable.  Part of what first attracted me to tumblr was that it seemed more idea-driven than twitter, which is all about capturing whatever random tiny half-baked snippets of almost-ideas you might have a million times a day.  But, anymore, tumblr is all gifs and photosets that are endlessly reblogged.  Which is fine.  But that’s a visual version of twitter.  And I don’t think people are defined by what tv shows or movies they like, but so many people on tumblr are willing to be defined by exactly that.  So, the idea that yahoo acquiring tumblr is somehow going to wreck it mystifies me.  Wreck what?  All those heavily photoshopped gifsets of stills from Supernatural?  I get it.  People have feels.  But I don’t know anything about the feelings of most people on tumblr, because they don’t talk about them, they just declare, repeatedly, via borrowed material, that they have them.  Elaborate.  Have ideas.  Share them.  Be an unique individual, and not just a collection of likes.  Why do you feel?  You like Sherlock?  Why?

Eh.  My opinion is really irrelevant, I just hate being disappointed.

To some men, it doesn’t matter how smart you are, or how strong you are, or what you’ve done, you’ll never be good enough, because you’ll always be a woman.  They’ll always view you condescendingly, and objectify you physically, and think your opinion doesn’t really matter.  And should you ever decide that you don’t like this treatment, and don’t think you deserve it, and decide not to take it anymore, then they’ll tell you what a bitch you are.  How ugly.  How fat.  They’ll call you a whore.  This is because you not being weak is an affront to their sense of superiority, and they can’t accept it, so they will do everything in their power to tear you down.

I’m a 29-year-old intelligent adult female human being.  I have a job.  I have a bank account.  I pay my own bills.  I paid for every shoe and every article of clothing in my closet, but I only bought any of those things after the bills were paid.  I’ve never been pregnant, so I don’t have any children.  I consider myself pretty responsible.  There is no reason for any man to ever condescend to me like I’m some kind of child.  He might be able to bench press more than I can, but in any other way that counts, there is not a man alive who is better than I am.

I love my boyfriend.  He’s a good man.  He’s a good person, in general.  Saint-like, nearly.  He would probably be easy to take advantage of, but I don’t.  He makes twice as much money as I do, and we still split all of our joint bills fifty/fifty.  He works hard for his money.  Lots of overtime.  I want him to be able to spend it on whatever he wants, not feel like he’s beholden to pay a larger share of anything because he has more money than I do.  It’s not his fault, and I know for a fact that if he could choose between having more money and working less overtime, he’d rather be at home with me, a little less full in the pocket.

All of this is to illustrate a simple fact.  I’m not a feminist because I hate men.  I don’t.  I’ve loved more than one man in my life, and the men I did grow to hate, it wasn’t because I thought they did what they did because they were men.  They did what they did because they were bad people.  So why is it okay to act like all feminists are man-haters with extreme cases of PTSD, when most feminists are well-adjusted women who just don’t like the way some men treat them, the way a patriarchal society treats them?  And if it’s okay to characterize feminists that way, then why not, conversely, MRAs?  Are they all just men who went through really bad breakups and can’t get over it? 

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I got into an argument, in which he mumbled something about how you can’t do anything to please a women, because a woman is never pleased.  To which I replied, this is a thing that men say to let themselves off the hook.  If you can’t please a woman no matter how hard you try, then you don’t have to try, so you never have to do anything.  And if everything you’re doing is wrong, because you can never do anything right, then it doesn’t matter what you do, there is no right or wrong, therefore, no moral consequences for anything.  So, far from being the sad sob story of men wronged by women everywhere, the “you can’t please a woman” bullshit is just that.  Bullshit.  An excuse masquerading as a complaint.  “If I am always at fault for everything, then I am never actually at fault for anything, because if any action always generates a generic outcome, what difference does the actual action make?”

I can be pleased.  There are lots of things that please me.  Very few of them are monetary or require that much effort.  I can be displeased.  The things that displease me, I generally try to explain, so as not to seem like I’m just arbitrarily upset.  A problem that a couple refuses to discuss is a problem that will recur again and again.  I have no illusions that I am the easiest person to live with, and when Rasool is justifiably angry with me, I try to give him his space and let him be angry.  We’ve been together for almost eleven years.  We have strong personalities.  We’re going to disagree about things.  It’s natural. I just don’t want to be made to feel like the reason why we’re fighting is because I’m an irrational woman and he’s a put upon man.  As much as your gender informs your identity and how you feel about yourself, framing interpersonal arguments as battles between the sexes is counterproductive and a completely lame way to circumvent having to judge your own behavior and decide if you were wrong and maybe you need to change something.  Again, adopting the attitude that a certain chromosome makes a person incapable of acting any differently is just another way to dodge responsibility.

I just want to be evaluated as an individual.  Not as a woman, but as an individual.  I’m smart, I’m creative, I work hard, I try to do the right thing and be helpful to other people if they need it.  Judge me on that.  Not the size of my chest or how well I conform to whatever role society has told you I should want to fill.

[T]he only racism you hear in America these days is against conservative blacks.

Ann Coulter, to Joy Behar, again, via gawker.

Ann Coulter is just the gift that keeps on giving.  And by gift I mean bile-filled asshole.  And by giving I mean spouting off ridiculous bullshit.

I told my boyfriend, who is black, about her previous statement, and he was especially infuriated about the phrase “our blacks”.  He said, and I quote, “What are we, their houseboys?”  Well, I don’t know.  I don’t know how what Ann Coulter actually means because I don’t think like Ann Coulter and I don’t think like Ann Coulter because I’m not a giant douche with an inability to understand logic or have compassion for other people. 

Our blacks are so much better than their blacks.

Ann Coulter, to Sean Hannity, via gawker.

I actually almost feel sorry for Herman Cain.  It has to be a very special brand of self-loathing that would lead to a person allowing himself to be used as a token so that people who are pretty obviously bigoted can make ludicrous claims about being inclusive.  “See, we’re not racist!  We have black people, too!  And our black people are better than their black people!  So take that!”  Or maybe he doesn’t care, as long as he ends up in a position of power, in which case he doesn’t deserve anyone’s sympathy.  Obviously, everyone knows that Ann Coulter is nothing short of crazy, but, at the same time, making crazy statements seems to be what conservatives are mostly interested in doing now.

To anyone still touting the tired “People said worse about Bush and nobody cared, but if anyone insults Obama, they get in trouble” crap, I’d like to introduce you to three friends of mine.

Emily Robison, Martie Maguire, and Natalie Maines.  Also known as the Dixie Chicks.  They went from selling out arenas to being pariahs within their genre, just for saying they didn’t like that they come from the same state as Bush.  They didn’t compare him to Hitler, or say that he was a criminal, or a racist, or a radical.  They didn’t call him George WALKER Bush, in an effort to emphasize that, he, say, walks all over people, or say that he’s not even really a Texan because he was born in Connecticut, or imply that he cheated his way into office by using his family and political connections, or mention that he exploited American fears after 9/11 to start a fraudulent war in order to line the pockets of his defense contractor friends, or that he went out of his way to avoid active military service, himself, but had no problem sending other people to die for a war he started, or that he used to be a drug addict and an alcoholic, or that he was investigated for securities fraud, or that he could barely form a coherent sentence.  No.  They merely voiced a desire to disassociate themselves from a leader they disagreed with, politically.  And that ignited a firestorm of controversy.  That they said they were ashamed of their president.

If a tea-partier or a hardcore conservative said he or she was ashamed of Obama, that would probably be the nicest thing they said about him, ever.  These people sincerely believe that Obama is evil, all because he wants them to be able to afford to go to the doctor if they get sick and pay less taxes because some ridiculously wealthy people are having to a pay a little more, and because he hasn’t magically fixed the economy, which, if it happened, they’d credit to Republicans, anyway, and say Obama had nothing to do with it.  They hate President Obama.  They hated him when he was a candidate and they hated him as soon as he took office, before he even had a chance to do anything to actually deserve the hate.  And how do we know all this?  Because they talk about it all the time.  Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are famous almost entirely because they’re batshit crazy Obama haters who will contort themselves into any logistically fallacious position necessary to keep the Obama hate alive and well.  Google Michele Bachmann.  The lead story is about how she wants to impeach Obama.  For what?  Does she not realize you have to actually prove a president has committed a crime in order to impeach him?  These are the people who whine about not being able to say what they want about President Obama for fear of reprisal!  These people!

What could you possibly say that you haven’t already?  He’s the root of all of evil and he should be impeached and then fatally struck by lightning, just to prove that even god hates him, which is totally true, because he’s a dirty Muslim and god hates Muslims, anyway.  Or something.  Seriously.

Once, someone, I’m assuming a conservative, but possibly just a troll, commented on my blog and called me a hypocritical cunt and told me I was ugly, because of a blog entry that I wrote about politics, shortly after the election.  But these are the people who aren’t allowed to say what they think.  These are the people who are politically oppressed.  These are the people who think they should be in control of our country.

I never liked George W. Bush, but, honestly, I’d take him back in a heartbeat, if today’s conservatives were my only other option.  If you’re the greater of two evils in a competition with George W. Bush, dude, you’re scary, and maybe you would like to tone it the fuck down a little.